HEALING: THE INNER GUESTS THAT GOT ME TO DIG DEEPER
So a little more of a personal post today as it’s been something that I’ve been working through since May - June, and I finally feel ready to speak about. Just as I follow my intuition with everything, I knew this wouldn’t be any different, yet I felt like I was holding back something, yet at the same time, I knew I had to keep this to myself until I felt ready. I knew that I would know when to speak! One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my healing journey is the tapping into my intuition so intimately.
It’s one of my most treasured possessions - my connection to myself in a very deep and INTUITIVE way. WE ALL HAVE THIS INTUITION, WE JUST HAVE TO PRACTICE TAPPING INTO IT, AND CONTINUE TO NOURISH IT WHOLE HEARTEDLY. IT’S YOUR SUPERPOWER THAT NO ONE CAN TAKE FROM YOU.
We live in a world that sharing everything - even the most intimate details of our life is no biggy. The question of what do we hold sacred, and what do we not. How much do we share, and how much should be kept inside. It’s taken me months to figure out this balance for myself with this journey, especially with what’s been going on. I’m making this sound so intense, as it kind of is, but also not - it’s just a little crazy as to the people I have shared this with are shocked that I’ve been experiencing what I have been to this extent given my lifestyle. I’m shocked myself to be honest.
Warning: It might actually be TMI, gross or scary to some. But nothing, and I mean nothing grosses me out when it comes to the body. Nothing. It was designed so perfectly, that anything to do with it just fascinates me to no end. This is your fair warning if you choose to continue, as it does have to do with feces, bowel movements, and some form of invaders.
Being a healing practitioner myself, and taking such good care of my body, mind and soul, and I mean such good care. I don’t really falter as to what I’m being guided to consume. Not in a ego way, but in a truthfully honest statement - I’m so conscious of what I put in - body and mind. Who I surround myself with, how I treat others, what environments I’m in, etc… as I’ve learned where and how I thrive, and conversely what drags me down, makes me feel un-well, and what depletes my energetic sources. It’s taken me years to get here, and I’m still learning, but I’ve found such a beautiful foundation for myself, and my journey.
So when all of this started to happen I quite truthfully and honestly felt shame around it (which is what I’ve been working on), I knew I shouldn’t have, but that’s what came up. It felt very shadowy, as I was hiding something, even though I wasn’t. I was processing, going inwards, cleansing, healing and delving deeper into my self as a human, soul and practitioner. (Yes, there is always, always, always light and gifts in darker times, so even though this has been hard-er, it’s been so awakening. Truly awakening).
As most of you know my healing journey has been extensive, lengthy (circa 2006 when it all started!) difficult, isolating and everything in between. It’s absolutely been the most challenging thing I’ve ever had to experience, but it’s also been the most rewarding, enlightening, soul searching, growth inducing, and gift giving journey at the same. I would not be who I am without it, and not to say you have to go through pain to discover ones Self, and higher purpose, but this was my experience and story, and for me the lessons always come back to my physical body. (It most definitely is to align my purpose on a higher level, but it’s continual work to fully embody it)
I know I alluded to thisSummer being a more difficult one than most, and that it was. With Jacob’s broken ankle, and my unwanted guests, it was one for the books!
I’m sure your all wondering what the heck is going on with her.
I can’t explain everything here, as it’s quite the extensive story, journey, unique to my body / soul, but I will do my best to communicate what’s been doing on. As I will forever and always believe we aren’t handed anything we can’t handle. Often one can only reflect on that after the case (darkness, experience, journey), but it’s the truth. So I knew that this was helping me grow, but will also help others do the same, just as my lyme journey has. Again, without it, I just wouldn’t have the depth that I’ve discovered without it. Again, not saying you need pain to find purpose, but man is it ever a teacher.
So how do I start, and how do I find the words. Pretty much the long and short of it is, that what I though would be a simple parasite cleanse, turned into a wide open experience and journey through my body, mind, and soul. It took me to depths that I hadn’t yet experienced before, as I’ve never physically experienced something like this, even with all that my body went through these past 12 years.
The parasite cleanse was instigated through a divine awakening ( started to feel some strange symptoms), and I reached out to someone intuitively not knowing why, and amongst some wise words, the suggestion of a really simple parasite cleanse was offered. Which is what spoke to me most prominently, while soaking in the wise wisdom! My first thoughts were 1) Why haven’t I done one in the past - especially with what what on in my body (ah divine timing at it’s best), 2) Let’s do it. Now I’m never one to shy away from bodily experiments, as I’ve done a lot in my past. Just to name a few to give you an idea - ingesting pure essential oils, ultra violet blood therapy, craniosacral therapy, functional medicine, naturopathic medicine, counselling, acupuncture, SO many supplement regimes, herbs, coffee enemas, colonics, every diet under the sun - fruitarian, raw vegan, raw, vegan, vegetarian, paleo, keto, macrobiotic + variations of all, just to name a few. I’ve embarked on a lot, all in a lesson to grow myself, see what resonates with me, but to also be a guide to others now. I find that I’m really able to relate to my clients on a V deep level.
Not telling them what worked for me or didn’t work, but noting the true core of it all - We are all so different, and we m u s t find what works for Us - intimately, and intuitively.
So what happened as I started this cleanse, let’s just say I saw things I didn’t think I would. I went into this knowing that only 30% of anything, if anything were to be seen, are visible. The other 70% of parasites / worms are microscopic. That knowledge, but also the knowledge of how I eat, treat my body, having done so much work to cleanse / heal and detoxify my Self + Soul - I thought I wouldn’t experience much.
Boy was I wrong.
There is no dancing around it, since starting the parasite cleanse in June, I’ve experienced and witnessed the “bodies” of over hundred (most likely hundreds) of physical manifestations of parasitical worms in my feces (!!!). And I’m not talking just little pieces, I’m taking large full-blown worms. I warned you it’s a little TMI (but everyone poops so it’s not taboo). It’s extremely real, even though at times I just had to laugh, or seriously consider if this was a giant joke as it felt like I was in a horror movie. But it wasn’t, it was my reality, and my journey to embark on. I’ve seen things expelled out of me that one can’t truly describe in words, only via visible evidence. It’s been quite the ride to say the least, a whirlwind that started in June that took me places that I had yet to unlock.
As you can only imagine as these parasites die-off what’s released into my body (neurotoxins, toxins, heavy metals, their own waste, themselves). And the truth of a parasite in general - the body (Us) are hosts to them, they literally feed off of our every being - tissues, organs, vital nutrients, all of it. In some ways, they are controlling us - body and mind. It’s also known that these guys don’t go lightly, who would want to be forced out of their home? Not many. They are also wildly intelligent and will do anything to survive. Anything. Further as you start to “kill” them they are awakened, and will therefore move to different parts of the body to hide, as again they don’t want to die and will do anything to live.
I could go on, and on but this is what I felt compelled to share.
That’s the short of it guys! Words can’t describe the ride really, and I’m still trying to rap my head around it, as the lessons will continue to flood in, and be shown.
The reason for my sharing this is to 1) Help others on this journey even deeper 2) To let go 3) To show other souls that we all have a story - and that it’s necessary for you to shine your light no matter what - humans connect to authenticity 4) To release this shadow - as I felt incongruent as a practitioner. Which is the last thing that I should of felt, and have let this go, as it’s not true.
The parasites (lol) want you to succumb, to hide, to give in, to feel weak, pain, to dull your light. They want you to seep into darkness (Physically + Mentally) as they want to steal your life force / nutrients. You can say this has been a giant test in my journey ( we all get them ) again, due to my purpose on this earth, mine showed up with my physical body, and the theme of deeper healing. As boy oh boy has this called for even deeper healing. Releasing old trauma, wounds, and fear. And dare I say, without this, they would of still been stuck to me on a unconsciousness / subconsciousness level, where so much in-congruency with ones true light, purpose and authenticity likes to stay hidden. It’s why I believe we can’t heal fully, unless we go deep, deep within.
Just as I did with my past healing with lyme, I continued to ask myself not '“ why is this happening to me”, but “what is this teaching me”. I’m seeing this as a bigger lesson, and test, as it is. I’ve discovered, uncovered, shed, so many layerings - physically (via the “ghosts” living in me) and mentally / emotionally via the self-work I’ve been doing myself. You can say I’ve shed a lot of layers and continue to do so, knowing that this is allowing me to grow as a practitioner, but also for me to step whole-heartedly into my authentic self on a very deep level.
The thing is we so often think that we reach a state of being done the work, especially after experiencing something difficult or traumatic. But that’s not often the case, as we are divinely created beings who will go through many peaks and valleys in our lives, each one growing them (You) into the authentic self - which is the goal, one I don’t know if we will ever reach.
It’s like whenever I listen to Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday podcast and Oprah, who is Oprah, continues to share that she’s doing the work, that she struggles, has fears, etc... etc… no one is immune to doing the work, delving deep, healing, and evolving and awakening into our next level or potential. It doesn’t matter if your Oprah, a priest, a monk, a teacher, a doctor, a healer… etc. We all have lessons to learn, they just show up differently to us all, and that is the Gift. Even though this might not seem like a gift, it is to me.
We can CHOOSE TO see something as a gift, or we can play the victim. I will forever and always choose to see the light in the situation. It doesn’t mean it makes it easy, or simple, but I feel that the outcome is so much sweeter.
The realization that we have conscious control over our minds and thoughts is everything. This has been something that I’ve continued to come back to, as it’s at the core of my belief system. The belief that the body can and will heal, given the right environment (Physically, but also mentally) getting outside one self (body), outside time, outside matter… essentially stepping into the quantum field that possesses infinite possibilities, as it’s hard to heal matter with matter, or so that’s what I believe. We must get beyond ourselves to heal.
So as I embark on this physical cessation of “ghosts” (I’m calling them ghosts, because the Japanese - actually call worms ghosts, as they are usually a lesson in releasing what’s not serving you any longer). While it’s been a trying past few months, I whole-heartedly believe this is such a massive piece of my lyme puzzle as I was still energetically holding onto old trauma of the past (which I unraveled these past few months), as that decade was so cellularly, and mentally destructive.
The thing is, I didn’t think I was still holding onto any of this stuff, energetically or physically, as I’ve done so much inner + outer work to heal my past, but AH HA, I was still holding on subconsciously to fears of my traumatic years of dis-ease, and therefore still had things to let go of. So to move forward into my next season of life, business, my intimate relationships (children in the future!), I had to shed these layers to step forth and heal even deeper to shine my light even greater - I had more lessons to learn + more work to do. Healing is never linear, and is ever evolving, but I finally feel like this chapter is closing in, and I’m energetically / mentally shedding the last few layers of that season.
It often takes something outside of ourselves, on a physical realm to cause us to dig deeper, heal more intensely, and to finally let go of what once haunted us on a very deep and energetic level. The Universe always has a bigger (and greater) plan, and when we open up to it, connect to it, allow it to seep in, magical can truly flow from it.
While that’s but a glimpse of these past few months, this is what flowed organically, so I believe this is what’s meant to be shared. I’m not going to go into detail with what I did (herbally, nutritionally, physically) as every body is so, so, so unique. If anything I’ve become even more in tune with my bodies physical needs, as I’ve shed old beliefs, layers, and have looked deep within to tap into my own personal power. The work never really ends, and when you think it does, there are always lessons to be learned.
In all healing, discovering, growth, evolution, tapping into ourselves, our purpose, and our journey…
THE ONLY WAY OUT, IS THROUGH
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