HEALING: WHY AREN’T I HEALING? I’M DULLING MY OWN RADIANCE + INNER ESSENCE
IT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAY OUT LOUD TO EVERYONE ELSE THAT DETERMINES YOUR LIFE – IT’S WHAT YOU WHISPER TO YOURSELF THAT HAS THE GREATEST POWER.
These next two months I want to focus on two core beliefs + foundations in my own life: Radiance (inner + outer) + Being Uncomfortable (stepping out of Your comfort zone to break free, manifest, heal + grow).
If you feel unsure of yourself sometimes, I fully understand. I used to be incredibly unsure of myself at all times... Am I doing the right thing? Will people like what I have to offer? Can I heal? I have 100 symptoms will I ever be able to get passed this? Everyone is looking at my bald patches / knows about my hair loss, Who would work with me? I have terrible acne, is that all people are staring at? Will I be good enough to have my own business, and it goes on, and on…. My shadow used to (and obviously still comes up in areas as it’s human nature forever!) rear it’s head more times than not.
Yes of course, I still deal with uncertainty, but I've learned to channel it differently (use it for good, motivating, to challenge myself, and push myself outside of my comfort zone), and I've done (still do - it’s a practice, not a destination) a lot of work to heal past wounds, reprogram old belief systems, dig deep into what's not serving me, and ultimately heal. I'm still human though, and I definitely still get fearful about building a new workshop, growing my business, launching something new, public speaking, doing videos, being in the "un-known", symptoms that might rear their head, stepping in my worth, being capable of a growing business…etc. Stepping into the unknown, out of our comfort zones can be scary, which continues to keep us in our safe zone, dulling our own radiance, and never fully expressing and sharing the gifts we all possess.
It’s not all bad, even though in the moment it can be quite paralyzing. Heightened self-consciousness (seeing things differently + self-awareness), anxious thoughts (channeled for the good), an inability to join (going inwards), and feeling “different” (celebrating your uniqueness) – they’re not at all bad, even if they feel scary in the moment.
These inner battles have been my angels at times, especially when I was feeling my worst (physically + mentally). They called me to delve deeper, question my behaviour, patterns and my belief system that was not serving me, and step and own my truth.
I had to do the work, and in all honesty, without them I would never have discovered my passion for health, how to practice self-love, developed this blog, developed a unique "healing" style with my clients, and all the wild intensities that made and unmade me, and shaped me into the person I am today, and continue to shape me. I always tell my clients, it’s never about the destination as we never become this fully enlightened being, although that’s the goal. Life is ever evolving, and changing, and so are we. But that’s the beauty of it! If we live in fear, or uncertainty 24/7 we’re constantly living in the past (unchanged, stuck, bored, unfulfilled, etc..) - fearful that the same trauma, and bad things / situations will continue to repeat themselves, so we just stay the same, we stay comfortable thinking this is where greatness and growth is, when it reality, and deep within our subconscious we know that’s not true. We’re just scared and addicted.
We become addicted to the emotions / thoughts / feelings that keep us safe, as we know them, they are familiar to Us (even if they aren’t serving us). So even though we know what lays outside of our comfort zone is greater… we don’t go there because it’s unfamiliar.
But a harsh truth remains: The enemies we encounter in life, especially our own inner demons, use the things we’re insecure about against us.
Which means we can’t hide forever. We have to emerge. We have to grow through our insecurities, fears, familiar states of beings ( we must go through, and not around), or else we will never grow! Hiding, staying small, and fearful can be more draining, and energy sucking than actually doing the work, believe me. Repeating old patterns, thoughts, and beliefs is like running around in circles, and going through the same cycle, month after month, year after year.
At some point we have to free ourselves and take our power back by being secure in who we are – flaws and all, as you will never be ready or perfect to do the work. It's in the doing, that the energy flows...This isn’t easy, of course – it’s a journey. And as you embark, here are some important things to keep in mind:
The story you tell yourself is the story you live by – Everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head.Every day. All the time. And that story makes you what you are – it lays the foundation for every action you take or don’t take. You build yourself out of that story.
Every belittling, insecure thought is unreliable and changeable – Once you become self-conscious, there is no end to it if you don’t address it; once you start to doubt yourself, there’s no room for anything else until you make a change. You’re going to have to let truth shout louder to your soul than the lies that have infected you.
A moment of truth is one of your most powerful assets – Instead of smiling to be polite, just cry when you need to. Instead of laughing when you are nervous or uncomfortable, just speak your truth. Instead of acting like everything is all right, proclaim it isn’t all right – talk about your feelings! Honor yourself. Honor your truth. Be real. This is very, very hard for us human beings, but so powerful.
A little self-focus and self-care goes a long way – Whenever you are self-conscious you are really just exhibiting that you’re not conscious of who YOU are. You don’t feel comfortable being yourself. If you did, then there would be no problem – you wouldn’t be seeking opinions from others. You wouldn’t be worried what others say about you – it’d be irrelevant! When you are self-conscious you are in trouble. When you are self-conscious you are really showing symptoms that you don’t know who you are inside. Your very self-consciousness indicates that you have not given yourself enough care.
The biggest critic lives in your perception of people’s perception of you (not people’s perception of you) – One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecure thoughts and learning to truly not care so much about other people’s opinions.
In fact, you will never make a great impression on others until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you’re making.
Everyone has their own way, which has nothing to do with you. – One big reason we judge each other so bitterly in our society of social comparison and social status: we perceive anyone else who’s doing things differently than what we’re doing as criticizing our decisions. This, of course, is something we need to let go of.
Your greatest beauty is completely out of sight in shallow social interactions. – Outer beauty is only skin deep. And everyone has ugly days – we’re only human. Focus within, not without. Acting right is better than looking right. Realize that evil can look pretty on the outside. Realize what makes you beautiful is beyond looks. You are far more than what can be seen at a glance.
Unconsciousness can cripple you – A human being will be imprisoned in a room with a door that’s unlocked and opens inwards, as long as it does not occur to her to pull rather than push. An open, conscious mind is the key. It is not easy, so don't beat yourself up if you still fall into unconsciousness.
Your struggles have been making you, not breaking you – Sometimes you must go through difficulties, breakups, rejections and painful wounds, which shatter the flattering image you once had of life, in order to gradually discover two powerful truths: 1) Life is not exactly how you thought it was. 2) The loss of one wonderful pleasure is not necessarily the loss of true, long-term happiness and well being.
The more you live through and learn through, the more you will realize how much you don’t know – Research suggests that the so-called “impostor syndrome” that takes place when we suddenly don’t feel “good enough” gets more intense as we grow wiser. The more experienced or accomplished we become, the more likely we are to rub shoulders with ever more interesting, talented and skilled people, leaving us feeling even more inadequate by comparison. So, in a backwards way, if you’re concerned that you don’t measure up, that could very well be a good sign that you actually do measure up just fine.
In the end, you will ultimately come to realize this:
Insecurities have the ability to shape and mold your mind to live with everything that’s bad – like crying on the inside constantly, while smiling on the outside...thus creating endless anxiety. No one wants to live like this. We must be free of ourselves.
I know some of these points can seem super simple at first glance, but often time it's not what you need to do to heal that is the difficult part. It's taking action, not just speaking about something, but the actual doing behind it. The journey itself and your attitude and self throughout it all.
HAVE PATIENCE WITH EVERYTHING THAT REMAINS UNSOLVED IN YOUR HEART.
FORGET ABOUT WHAT YOU THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT AND APPRECIATE EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE.
FOCUS ON THE ONE MEANINGFUL TASK YOU CAN HANDLE IN THE PRESENT.
NOTICE THE SLIGHT, GRADUAL PROGRESS YOU’RE MAKING.
LOVE YOURSELF, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS PLANET LIKE YOU.
Healing (physical - mental - emotional) takes time.
Be patient. Which is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s so crucial on your journey. You built your belief system, and health over 20, 30 years so it will take time, practice, patience to rebuild, nurture and rejuvenate. Anyone that tells or sells something that is a quick fix, run as it’s just not how we work. There are lessons and growth in all of this, and when reflecting back it’s lessons that we need to knock us into our most authentic state and Self. Recognize it as growth, not despair or a setback, and you’ve already created space for deeper healing.
IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO HEAL ON A DEEPER LEVEL. I WORK PRIVATELY 1-1 IN MY PRACTICE, VIA IN PERSON SESSIONS (TORONTO) + VIA SKYPE. LET'S CONNECT - I WOULD BE HONOURED TO WORK WITH YOU ON ANY LEVEL YOU SO DESIRE + RESONATE WITH.