phoebe-tonkin-by-alexandra-nataf-for-unconditional-magazine-2013-4 I sat down not really knowing what to write, so when this happens I sit, think, meditate and try to let something come to me as I never want to write just to post.

So what kept on coming up for me? Sexuality, self love, feeling confident in your own skin and how to enhance this sexuality. WOAH. I don't think I've ever spoken about this before on here, because it was something that I lost for quite some time. When I was healing the last thing that I felt was confident, sexy or attractive. I don't mean this on the surface level of outwards appearances, but how my soul and spirit were feeling, which ultimately I believe all of this comes from.

Why do I think this is important to discuss, write about and share? Firstly, we are all beautiful beings, who possess the right to be able to be their best selves. To feel confident, healthy and loved. Second, because sexual health and all that it encompasses embodies holistic health and is a part of a healthy body and mind. Why? because all of this is controlled by our endocrine system, and our beautiful and lovely hormones, when they are in balance that is. Our hormones dictate almost everything in our body, so when they are out of balance so are we. Raging PMS, terrible mood swings, fatigue, depression, exhaustion, thyroid troubles, hair loss, weight gain, dull skin, acne, uncontrollable appetite, bloating, disruptive sleep, anxiety, and one big ticket symptom here loss of libido. These are just a handful of symptoms that arise from unbalanced hormones! When you think of all of these, and if you suffer from 1, 2, 3 or maybe more than it's extremely hard to muster up inner confidence, feel at peace with your body, and lets not even mention libido and feeling sexy.


When I was going through my healing journey with Lymes Disease, I had all of the above symptoms and MORE. I felt like my body wasn't mine, and was extremely disassociated from it. I felt like a turtle going through life, slow, and steady with a very hard shell and only popping my head out when I had to, or felt like it. I could not be bothered to practice ANY sort of self love, because to be perfectly honest I didn't love myself. Often echoed by my family ' where did the Lise we know go?" I never had an answer... I had no idea. This was all before I found out about my official diagnosis. ALL changed after that! I literally had to work on turning myself in a self-loving machine. It took work, it took practice, and it took letting go of a lot of STUFF. Thoughts, beliefs, patterns, actions, ultimately what I was choosing to put into my body, and my mind.

All of this to say, no matter where you are at in this journey you can get to where you want to be, and be who you want to be. Sometimes things will come naturally, other times it will take A LOT of work. But it is worth every second.

So here are a few tricks, tips, practices that will help ignite your self love muscle, your libido, and your inner confidence, which will allow your sexual goddess and self to flourish.

note: this does not just pertain to being in a relationship or marriage. You can be a sexy single goddess! When you radiate that light from within, things will start to change quite quickly....

1. Develop your own self love ritual: light candles, put on music, get naked, dance around, dry body brush your entire body getting to know it better, and then hop in a bath with copious amounts of epsom salts, coconut oil and essential oil. Ylang ylang and neroli are known to be quite erotic, sensual and promote feelings of bliss. Do not bring your phone in there, or even a book. Be completely silent, soak up the moment, and allow yourself to just be. You will not get out of that bath feeling anything less than a goddess.

2. Ambiance: light candles, get a himalayan salt lamp and ditch the light bulbs. When is overhead lighting ever sexy? The soft flicker of candles gives off the right amount of light, and a himalayan salt lamp increases positive ions in the air which raises serotonin levels, which creates a calm and peaceful environment.

3. Get to know your own body: now let your imagine go with this one! This can mean many things. But our society today is SO disconnected with our own bodies. We are constantly clothed, shy away from exposing skin, are only naked in the shower, and rush to put on clothes. Don't even start with looking at your naked body in the mirror! If you do usually this is met with unfriendly thoughts. This all must change! Get to know your body, love your body - tell it you love it, massage your body with coconut oil, dry body brush it (which improves lymph fluid, blood flow, and gets things going...), scrub your naked body in the shower. Feel it, touch it, and love it. We only get one body, so we may as well love it. We have to start thanking it for doing so much for us, day in and day out. We expect a lot out of our bodies, so we must be conscious about giving back.

4. Sleep naked: this doesn't need a lot of explanation. If you don't, or never have commit to trying or changing this. Hopefully not TMI but I do sleep naked and it is so freeing. We are constantly bound by clothes, underwear, bras, sports bras, leggings, socks...not to mention fall and winter approaching. We are bound by multiple layers! When we go to sleep it is the one time we can fully let go, and allow our bodies to heal, rejuvenate, replenish, and be free. I highly encourage this practice! It further allows for more intimate moments between you and your partner. Skin upon skin is one of the most healing things on the planet. Embrace this, embrace your and your partners body.

5. Ladies wear lingerie once and awhile: What we wear directly affects our mood and overall mind-body psyche. It’s not always just what we put in our bodies that makes us feel sexy, but it’s also about what we put on them. Maybe it’s a lil’ lingerie, or maybe it’s your favorite old hole-y band tee. Whatever something slinky and seductive feels like for you, put it on to rekindle some confidence in your own skin before you even think about letting him in. You work hard to keep that body healthy, now go put something on it that’s going to get him excited for what’s underneath. Or simply do it for YOU. Wear a matching bra and thong underneath your daily attire. Say yes to lace!

6. Music: Download some Marvin Gaye, Ben Howard, Drake, The Weekend, James Vincent McMorrow.. let the vibrations soothe your soul. Music can instantly relive stress and anxiety. Be carried away with the words, melody, and feelings they evoke in you.

7. Exercise, move, sweat: We all know that exercise releases mood enhancing endorphins. Sometimes it is hard to get to a workout, or muster up the motivation to do so, but after THAT feeling. It's euphoric. When we move our bodies through exercise in any shape or form we are also committing ourselves to a self love practice. It is good to set goals, reach for something, and work towards living in our best bodies. Whatever this means to you. This doesn't have to relate to how you LOOK, but more so how you feel. When you work hard, set goals and achieve them it's very empowering. It's further empowering to be strong, confident and feel good.... this confidence is carried through all of your relationships, especially with your partner. Who doesn't want to feel sexy????

8. You are what you eat: last but not least! My favorite topic. What you eat can either make or break you. Generally speaking what you put in your mouth makes up your cells. Your cells in turn dictate how you function, perform, look and feel. Your cells, organs and brain are everything! If you aren't feeding it properly, you will not look or feel your best. Want to rev up your hormones, libido and inner glow? Feed yourself copious amounts of healthy fats (avocado, coconut oil, and moderate amounts of nuts and seeds), brain loving omegas ( wild salmon, chia seeds), sexy greens (leafy greens, asparagus, cucumbers), superfoods, the number one being Maca! Want to balance your hormones and boost your libido? This will be your best friend. We also need our B vitamins which will come in the form of gluten free gains such as quinoa and millet.

Do you feel sexy? What do you do for self love? Do you truly, truly love yourself?

Lots to ponder for the weekend ahead!