LYMES: REAL TALK + BEING HUMAN
REAL TALK / BEING HUMAN My passion and goal is to bring light, love and positivity to every. single. post/word that I write and person that I meet/is in my life. BUT life isn't perfect, and neither are we/I. NOT even close. We are beautifully imperfect beings. We have strengths and we have weaknesses, and through these we learn, grow, stretch, share and and allow ourselves to work through the kinks as each moment passes. Even Mother Teresa had her weaknesses, but did she let it stop her? NEVER. EVER, EVER. She learned, grew and used that fuel to help others further. How can you ever reach the peaks of life if you never go through the valley's. I do believe that life and love is ONLY lightness, because that is how I choose to live my life. There can and will be moments of darkness, but we have a choice on how we deal with these. I see my illness as lightness, and only lightness and I believe this has been a key factor in healing.
The key to strengthening our strengths is learning from our 'moments of weakness'. We are human, we are going to laugh, cry, stumble, dance, sing, falter, hurt and hurt others (unintentionally), fall, love deeply, be in a bad mood, feel alone, etc . . . if we were to escape these feelings and emotions we wouldn't be human. Robots may as well inhabit our bodies and planet. We are sensory beings, who feel deeply and we must connect to those senses. This in itself is a beautiful gift. To feel, sense, touch, taste, smell, see. . .
Coming off of quite an emotional week and half (hello hormones! Some of the worst I've ever felt since going through intensive hormones healing with Lymes). I've decided to share some of my thoughts + musings about this past week and a bit. I was inspired by one of my bests, Dani Press, who was over for dinner this week. . . to express these thoughts, emotions, feelings because I'M NOT PERFECT, and I've had a w i l d health / personal journey that I truly haven't shared to the fullest. Why? Bottom-line. I'm one tough cookie, and I felt like opening up these wounds would spiral me downwards, back into the vicious Lymes cycle I was in. I can stand tall in that strength, as it was handed down to me by my beautiful Mama, who I witnessed over the course of two years lose her battle with cancer. Even though her physical body was vanishing into the night, her strength, selflessness, glow and l i g h t (she truly was/is an angel) still shawn. Her ability to heal simply by a smile, touch, presence will forever be ingrained in my every cell and heart. I know a part of why I'm so healthy is due to her. She remained so positive and strong through each horrific procedure, prolonged hospital visits and ultimately her final few days. I believe my strength has actually closed me off from being a LIGHT for others. I used my strength to build up a shield of protection around me. And feeling scared to offer any sort of guidance/help/support to those suffering from Lymes Disease, Auto-Immune disorders and ANYONE suffering in silence as they appear 'healthy' on the outside.
I've created such a positive and healing energy and light within myself, because that is how I've healed and continue to heal. Healing is 100000% mind, body and spirit. One can't heal without the other, I believe it's just not possible. That being said, I believe I've shut off my vulnerability button. I've shielded myself and others from exposing how I am TRULY feeling in the moment (not that often, but I do, do it!), because for over 7 years I kept everything to myself. My physical symptoms, my emotions with my illness, my mothers death (although I did grieve, and felt her strength run through me) I was ok and felt at peace, because knowing I had her for the time I did, was the biggest blessing bestowed upon me. Going back to my initial point is that I have a major tendency to withdraw, and withhold. This stems from not wanting to burden people with my thoughts, and feelings. I actually became quite the expert in it, and in a way I do believe it helped me heal. I never LIVED in my illness and never played victim to it. I hardly mentioned it to others, and I truly disassociated myself from it. The one and only book on Lymes Disease I bought, I looked at it for 5 minutes and then burnt it in the fire pit : ) My experience and body are like NO ONE else on this planet, and my intuition was telling me that I would pave my own path with this. It would take more navigation and time, and my body continues to heal to this day, as every action, thought, morsel of food adds to my cellular structure, hence my complete and utter devotion to greens, whole foods, organic produce and a healthy lifestyle! It might seem like an easy pathway, because it is. Our bodies are meant to heal, and all we have to do is nourish it naturally AND holistically. I feel like that is where people can see me and think WOW! she eats PERFECTLY, and doesn't ever falter in food choices, behaviours or indulgences. This is NOT the case. Although they are all still healthy, I'M NOT perfect when it comes to my health journey.
All of this to say, is that this journey has been NOTHING close to ease and perfection, and I want to share those moments, thoughts and feelings to you. WE are all human, and therefore I feel that to TRULY connect and help others heal I have to 'expose' those tougher moments, because if we don't experience moments of growth, obstacles and challenges, then what is all of this about? I want to show you that even though you will ABSOLUTELY have moments of fear, guilt, anger, shame, jealously, uncertainty, inequality, you can and will heal from anything in your life. It's about FEELING the emotion and letting it go. Acknowledge how you feel or how it makes you feel, and L E T I T G O . . .
I'm 100% human and with that comes physical and emotional pain. I'm not immune to any of this. This past week brought up a lot of emotions, physical pain and guilt.
What I can do is help share my story, openly and honestly, so I can help others heal. I fear TOO many people are suffering in silence, and need a light, ANY light. If I can be a small source of that, then my true heart and soul are full.
A heavy one for a Friday, but felt compelled to write it. Feel free to ask questions, as I will be opening up about Lymes a whole lot more. IT needs a voice.
I hope everyone is having a BEAUTIFUL week so far, and the weekend ahead looks bright.
love & light